


to never lose

by roguewrath (purqatory)



Series: cliff's edge [9]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, One Shot Collection, tagged it as fluff in the first draft and then hahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 09:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11228295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purqatory/pseuds/roguewrath
Summary: Hello, this is the real me.





	to never lose

Cassian is trying to close his eyes and sleep. His ribs are smarting, and as he inhales, sharply, pain hisses through his teeth.

But there are more important things to care about: he runs his hands, feeble as they are, from the warmth of her waist to the slopes of her arms, and over her shoulders.

She matches him but in reverse, nimble and soft, eventually goes into his hair and his scalp, the way that makes him tilt his head forward, the way he likes, very much.

"I'm not cramping in with you." she's saying, and he feels her words, sponging into his throat and he looks down at her head, the side of her cheek, "My flight's in 20."

"You only just got back." he doesn't realize he said it out loud until Jyn's hum against his collarbone, a nip at the base of his throat. She didn't even bother taking off her flight gloves.

"I wasn't supposed to have a stop-over. Han pretended Leia needed him for this layover."

Cassian smells the tang of engines between Jyn's fingers, feels how the hyperspace air runs her hair coarse. He takes the stubborn lock of hair that always irritates her (and gives him the opportunity to touch her) to the back of her ear. 

"I will probably be on duty by the time you get back."

"Maybe," she mutters against the bridge of his nose, "- or maybe not. I think I will be able to find you."

"I hope so." he breathes her in, and his chest caves in. 

 

He doesn't exhale until: "You know how much -"

"- _I_ love you?" she murmurs, softly and lightly against his forehead. "That's why I had to come back."

"I wish you didn't have to leave."

He hears it again, the lowering of her voice whenever she's upset and tries not to show it, to try and elevate the pain he feels for hers: "To be ... loved by you means - that even when I'm gone, you're still ... with me. Always."

She kisses him then, and Cassian cradles her head in his hands, tastes each gasp she takes.

Instead of saying it out loud, _To be loved by you, Jyn Erso_ , Cassian thinks it, _makes me feel as if I will never lose._  

 

Cassian blinks, and starts awake.

(Her gloves leaves creases on his cheek, and they are damp with the salt of his tears. 

He tries to inhale through his nose, 

but he can't smell her anymore.

Just Wobani dirt, ashes against metal and the blood from her lips.

 

Jyn Erso should never have been there at the first place. 

)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is the real me.


End file.
